Not really.  However, the Girl Scouts have fallen out of favor with one of my local Catholic Archdioceses (I think I have that right).

(Archbishop) Naumann said Girl Scouts contributes more than a million dollars each year to the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts, which he called “an organization tied to International Planned Parenthood and its advocacy for legislation that includes both contraception and abortion as preventive health care for women.”

He also said that many of those who have been cited as role models by Girl Scouts “not only do not reflect our Catholic worldview but stand in stark opposition to what we believe.”

This whole story is hilarious to me, mostly because I love to shit on the Girl Scouts.   The organization, that is.  Figuratively.  I mean I don’t actually shit on girls or anything.  Or anyone else.  Without consent.  You know what?  Let’s just move on.

We’ve resisted pressure for years to enroll Thrilla into the Girl Scouts from numerous mothers.  You know why?  Because the idea of putting my daughter out on the street corner to hustle anybody for any reason feels so wrong.  Sure, I agree with the Catholics that Girl Scouts is a decidedly left-leaning organization but that’s not enough on its own to sway me from having my daughter participate.

No, it’s because I think it’s stupid that Girl Scout of the USA’s sole reason for existence seems to be selling those cookies.  It’s an asinine pyramid scheme that apparently exists for no other reason than to torment and shame family, friends, and coworkers into buying cookies.  Really.  Dollar General has a perfectly good Thin Mints knockoff brand, by the way.  You don’t have to submit to this, you know.

I’m sure GSUSA does other things.  The article mentions some other charity work, but I have to say that they keep a pretty low profile for anything that doesn’t involve cookie pushing.  No, there’s always that one weekend every now and then where I drive to Waffle House and there are Girl Scouts in front of the restaurant selling cookies.  I drive to the store and there are Girl Scouts working every other corner.  I go into the store to buy whiskey and there are Girl Scouts standing at the entrance, judging me.  I go home and take off my pants and start drinking and Girl Scouts ring my doorbell to force their products on me while I’m at my most vulnerable.  I don’t like it.

While I’m on this topic, can I just say that if we have to tolerate Girl Scouts occupying our neighborhoods every now and then, can we at least force them to wear their uniforms while they’re doing it?  When the Eagle Scouts and the like do official scout stuff, they wear their uniforms.  If the Girl Scouts would act like they’re an actual scouting organization and dress the part, I might take their shitty left-wing paramilitary junior feminist cadre a bit more seriously.

I’m sure some of you probably have daughters in Girl Scouts.  I’d like to think that most of you agree that you hate having to participate in the cookie scheme as much as I would.  But does anyone disagree?  Is there more to it all than simply annoying me?

The American Heritage Girls look like a totally different brand of bullshit, but since I wasn’t even aware that they existed until I read this article, I’ll have to discuss them at another time.  Or never. For now, I’m just delighting in this local theological repudiation of Girl Scouts.

10 comments

  1. My daughter was in Girl Guides. We had to buy at least one box of cookies and then sell them. My daughter chose not to go door-to-door. We’d just bring the box into work, set it down in a central location, and by the end of the week all the boxes were bought. Passive aggressive is good. She did do one shift in the neighbourhood, but they were all required to wear their uniforms. She got bored of GG and dropped out after 2 years.

    I probably see more kids selling chocolate bars for God-knows-what cause, and cadets at the grocery store more than I see Guides selling cookies. It doesn’t really bother me, at least not any more than adults that troll the neighbourhood for their pet cause. I just smile and politely decline their offers.

  2. Scouting is a mystery to me these days. We put our son into the Cub Scouts. It was outrageously pricey for the uniform and other things. Additionally, we found that it would involve a huge time commitment on our part. We pulled him out after a couple of weeks. He didn’t complain.

  3. My experience was different. It only involved dropping her off for an hour a week. There were a few weekend excursions (summer/winter lodge, camping at the Science Centre) that my wife was more than happy to attend. Cost was reasonable (subsidized by cookie sales I’m sure). It helped that a lot of the other girls were from school. That being said, I don’t think we’ll enroll our younger daughter.

  4. Fundraising in general is out of control. Can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone selling something for school/GS/BS (fuck them and their crack popcorn)/ club. My son’s band sells cookie dough (I eat it raw with the popcorn) and I just buy a bunch for him since the entire middle school is selling it door to door because this is a “band school”.

  5. My kids’ school gives parents the option to buy-out with a flat donation instead of selling. We’re always happy to do it.

    It’s, “if you want money, here, take my money. Just don’t make us sell shit, please”

  6. Both my boys are in scouts,and they really enjoy it. The scout leaders to their part. Actually teach reverent skill., camping citizenship leadership community service… The girls scouts on the other hand….. Well the regional chapter doesn’t even want the girl scout leaders to take them camping at a unimproved site, let alone sponsor them to go fishing….. The regional boy scouts is going down that road too, becoming risk adverse and lawsuit fearful……sign of the times.

  7. The only thing that saved us on that expense is that lovely the Lions Club Shiners, and a few individuals have made significant contribution s. Add to that the scout have done a few fund raising drives. Popcorn., plant sales.. To pay for this summer’s scout camp.. The next troop over has very high yearly rate and cost to the parents for odds and ends adds up.

  8. Lol good description of the popcorn… By the time they finished we bought over 100 $ worth for ourselves.

  9. Ha. My daughter is a Daisy and I had a hard time agreeing to it because a. the cookie thing and b. they are way too conservative for my tastes. A lot of the groups are church-sponsored. Ours isn’t.
    Aside from the cookie thing, which just involved me bring in the form and leaving it out in the office, but still made me feel like crap since I know everyone bought them out of social obligation, the girls have done a robotics project (out of Legos, the theme was something to do with bee habitats,) cleaned up a park, went to a science museum, a pumpkin patch, a nature center and a planetarium. It’s really what the troup leader makes of it, I think.

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