Be honest. How many of you who have criticized Jeff Sessions in the past now feel sorry for him? Eh, probably not many. Instead, let’s talk about the man’s seeming inability to grasp that he needs to either start prosecuting the shit out of everyone the President wants or he should leave the job if he doesn’t want to do that.
In Sessions’s case, I can’t figure out if he’s clueless or principled when it comes to determining what causes the apparent shortfalls in his job performance. Trump does and says some wild things, but nobody believes that he’s shy about firing people who displease him, do they? Subtlety isn’t his trademark. “You’re Fired” is.
I mean, my boss isn’t the President of the United States, but if he were openly bitching about me on Twitter, I’d log onto the computer and either look busy or update my resume, wouldn’t you? Having seen Sessions on televsion enough times though, I’m going to say he’s more clueless than principled.
This week, let’s help the US Attorney General find a clue. Making deductions is, I suppose, an important qualification in a top law enforcement official. Here are your themes:
- “Subtle innuendos follow” – These are songs that aren’t what they seem. These may include the use of creative euphemisms, sarcasm, and sly turns of phrase. The key is that the message being communicated is deliberately obscured and must be figured out. This can also include songs that don’t tonally match. You know what I mean? Like the lyrics might sound happy while the lyrics are depressing or vice versa.
- “They were the footprints of a gigantic hound!” – Songs about detectives, private investigators, inspectors, inquisitors, auditors, seekers of truth, and finders of facts.
- “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist.” – Songs about being clueless in any situation, getting scammed, and being rope-a-doped.
Perhaps you believe, as Rush Limbaugh does, that Trump and Sessions are pulling a #3 on us all.
Maybe Sessions will testify before Congress and act like a bumbling idiot again. After it’s over, he’ll be seen walking out to the street where he will hand off all of Hillary’s printed emails, a VHS tape of Vince Foster’s “suicide”, a Comet Ping Pong pizza box, and an indictment for the entire DNC to a shady associate. Then he’ll walk to a waiting car and give the C-Span camera a little smile before sitting down and making his escape. A desperately bewildered Adam Schiff will run out into the street in pursuit, seconds too late to catch him.
Nah. He’s screwed. The use of a perfect word like “beleaguered” was the giveaway.
Bones Bonus: I think I’ve mentioned before that my wife is obsessed with detective shows about solving murders. Most of them feature old-timey upper class British people murdering other upper class British people, but whatever. This is about getting a clue. Play a song with the word “murder” in the title and you get a free movie clip.
pfluffy: You get a #1. It sounds like some fine gospel music, if you don’t pay attention to the words.
Santino: This one qualifies as a #1 with its hidden meaning and the innocent sound that belies it. It’s about jacking it.
Zurvan: I’ll give you a #1 too. The lyrics are pretty clear, but it’s tonally off. Sounds like a love song if you aren’t really listening.
westvirginiarebel: Reince says, “Leaker? Wasn’t Me!” A hip hop #3.
spootyjim: A #3, possibly a #2 also. Sometimes, you really WANT to be in the dark about what’s going on.
Kevin K: And we’re back to jacking it. You know what? This could become its own theme if we aren’t careful. Or maybe this one’s about a sub/domme relationship. The YouTube commenters can’t find a consensus. Either way, it’s another #1 both in terms of lyrics and tone.
Join us and help the distinguished gentleman from Alabama find his own ass with his two good hands and a thousand ships.