The true scandal is that I attended a neighbor’s wedding reception on Saturday night (I’m writing this before midnight) and had an absolute fuck ton of sangria. I’m mentioning this at the outset because I’ve scheduled this post to publish at 7 AM on Sunday morning. If this post has any amolomies, you’ll know why.
Alright. What should we talk about? Last week, we caught up on Trump-Russia so I think this week, we should talk about some of the others.
First, there have been some developments in the Imran Awan case, for those who have been paying attention to it. It appear that Awan may have dumped a laptop belonging to former DNC chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz for police to find. Perhaps this could bring down THE ENTIRE DEMOCRATIC PARTY WITH DOOM. That’d be interesting.
I doubt it though. AG Jeff Sessions doesn’t have much appetite for political intrigue. There are way too many potheads to imprison. He can’t even be bothered to investigate IRS employees who deliberately target opposition party political action groups. What are the chances that any powerful person will pay for his or her crimes when there are grannies with cancer toking up to hunt down?
The man is not only a disappointment, but he is as articulate as Porky Pig. It’s embarrassing. At this point, I’m wishing Mueller would just finish his investigation for no other reason than to free Trump’s hand to fire Sessions. He’s a goober who has provided nothing but frustration for those of us who want to jail everyone involved in what Fox News told us were Obama Administration scandals.
What the hell is sangria anyway? It’s weird, because I can drink a lot of pinot noir, cabernet, shiraz, and other varieties of wine without getting this buzzed. I only ever drink it at weddings, it seems, so I never quite know how to factor it in to my calculations. It’s one of those dangerous beverages that you can drink a lot of because it tastes so sweet. Then next thing you know, you’ve made a pass at the bride in front of your wife. Right?
Right. Speaking of being two-faced and slimy, some more Russian collusion has been exposed. Mark Zuckerberg has admitted that the Russians bought a bunch of fake ads to influence the 2016 election. It was a genius plan. I was totally ready to vote for Hillary Clinton because I wanted to see the last glass ceiling shattered and finally have a president who will fight for all rape victims everywhere, but I didn’t because some asshole I went to middle school with shared a post about how she smells like brimstone and wanted to take my guns away so that homosexuals could probe my butt with them. I’m glad that justice is finally being done.
Oh, the buzz is wearing off. Doing some proofreading…
As we approach the 16th anniversary of the 9/11 attack, we find that the Saudis may be even more involved than we thought. If not for the fact I know that whatever took its place would be far worse, I’d be screaming until my voice was gone for the destruction of the House of Saud. If these allegations are true, we must punish Saudi Arabia by any means possible. Whether it’s 16, 20, 50, or 100 years that goes by there can be no limit to our vengeance for anyone who aided or abetted the deaths of so many people and brought so much trouble to the world.
What else? What else? Kris Kobach says that there were 6,000 potential illegal votes in New Hampshire during the election. It’s unclear if he’s counting college students in this tally, who would not have been required to update their driver’s license or motor vehicle information. Might be something, might not be. Sessions would look into it, but there’s a store selling bongs in Sapulpa, Oklahoma that requires his full attention at this critical moment in US history.
There may be a perfectly innocent explanation for New Hampshire, but I’d be curious to know why there were more votes than registered voters in Chicago and Los Angeles. Unfortunately, neither the Republican or Democratic parties are interested in getting to the bottom of this question. Sessions is more interested in rolling papers than voter registration papers. Trump would only be interested in figuring out if illegal votes threw the “popular vote” to Hillary for his own satisfaction than anything else. That leaves us with the probability that none of it really matters.
What’s going on in the world? Share some links. I’ll read them when I eventually