Prepare yourself for a faceful of dick music. No, we’re not linking any dick pics this week. Well, if you do, mark it NSFW. If you take any dick pics, please hold up a nice note for the gang. And don’t send any such materials to minors. Like Anthony Weiner, who has earned the first honorary mention (aptly) on what may eventually be known as The Infamous Dick Music Post.
Donald Trump behaved like so much of a dick at the UN, he might as well have just given the “Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes” speech from Team America: World Police. Not that I regard this as a negative, mind you. I didn’t vote for Trump because he’s a nice guy. President of the United States is one of the few jobs that has a 100% likelihood that the successful candidate will send other people off to kill and be killed. It takes a real dick to handle that sort of guilt.
Not that this excuses Kim Jong Un from his assorted dickitry. At least Trump is acting like a dick to make KJU stop doing major dick things like building missiles and shooting them over other countries to squeeze more tribute out of the great powers in exchange for stopping it.
In the media, we find a dick-rich environment. Stephen Colbert dicked around for three hours and turned the Emmy Awards into an unwatchable shitshow. I doubt he’ll be back next year. We also learned that Lawrence O’Donnell is a raging dick to his television crew.
Twitter examples of dickishness include Angus Johnston from CUNY for laughing about the Hindenberg crash and James Damore for thinking Klan job titles are “cool” (that’s a 15 minutes of fame that needs to end right about now).
Dicks. Dicks everywhere. So let’s have some music about it. This week’s categories:
- Dick Measuring: Songs about anything Freudingly phallic, preferably related to violence. Bullets, missiles, rockets, or anything cylindrical really.
- Literally Dickler: Songs about actual dicks. Use the NSFW label judiciously please.
- Richard Head: Artists named “Richard” or “Dick” or anything other term for a dick.
Here are your dedications on this most obscene and juvenile of Friday music threads!
pfluffy: We simply have to have “Rocket Man” in here somewhere. It’s a moral imperative.
Grendel: Next song alphabetically would have to be “Rocket Queen“. I swear, GnR has a song for every DJ theme. Also, Axl Rose is a colossal dick.
Zurvan: Here’s a double helping of dick with Dick Dale’s “Tera Dicktyl“. I wanted to go with a U2 song but didn’t want to ruin “Bullet the Blue Sky” for anyone. Was the only one that came close. By the way, how was Beck?
westvirginiarebel: We haven’t done any SOAD in a couple of weeks. Sometimes a cigar is just a Cigaro.
spootyjim: This is just gnarly. Adding this track was my top dick move on this post.
Santino: Old school Marilyn Manson with “Everlasting Cocksucker“. Remixed. Mixed with a dick, that is.
kevinmkr: Heh, heh, hm, heh! “Felt Tip“. I’ll bet she did. Heh, heh, heh, heh, hm, heh, heh!
Let’s see what you got! Take it out and make it hard.
*Some of you might have noticed that this post was up early on Thursday morning. It was a scheduling error on my part. I apologize for any confusion that may have resulted from leading you to think it was Friday on a Thursday. If you’re thinking it’s Saturday based on my error, uh, you might want to get dressed and go to work.
Call it a case of “premature e-publication”. The good news is that those who saw the post have had more time to prepare some songs! Make it count.