Prepare yourself for a faceful of dick music.  No, we’re not linking any dick pics this week.  Well, if you do, mark it NSFW.  If you take any dick pics, please hold up a nice note for the gang.  And don’t send any such materials to minors.  Like Anthony Weiner, who has earned the first honorary mention (aptly) on what may eventually be known as The Infamous Dick Music Post.

Donald Trump behaved like so much of a dick at the UN, he might as well have just given the “Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes” speech from Team America: World Police.  Not that I regard this as a negative, mind you.  I didn’t vote for Trump because he’s a nice guy.  President of the United States is one of the few jobs that has a 100% likelihood that the successful candidate will send other people off to kill and be killed.  It takes a real dick to handle that sort of guilt.

Not that this excuses Kim Jong Un from his assorted dickitry.  At least Trump is acting like a dick to make KJU stop doing major dick things like building missiles and shooting them over other countries to squeeze more tribute out of the great powers in exchange for stopping it.

In the media, we find a dick-rich environment.  Stephen Colbert dicked around for three hours and turned the Emmy Awards into an unwatchable shitshow.  I doubt he’ll be back next year.  We also learned that Lawrence O’Donnell is a raging dick to his television crew.

Twitter examples of dickishness include Angus Johnston from CUNY for laughing about the Hindenberg crash and James Damore for thinking Klan job titles are “cool” (that’s a 15 minutes of fame that needs to end right about now).

Dicks.  Dicks everywhere.  So let’s have some music about it.  This week’s categories:

  1. Dick Measuring: Songs about anything Freudingly phallic, preferably related to violence.  Bullets, missiles, rockets, or anything cylindrical really.
  2. Literally Dickler: Songs about actual dicks.  Use the NSFW label judiciously please.
  3. Richard Head: Artists named “Richard” or “Dick” or anything other term for a dick.

Here are your dedications on this most obscene and juvenile of Friday music threads!

pfluffy: We simply have to have “Rocket Man” in here somewhere.  It’s a moral imperative.

Grendel: Next song alphabetically would have to be “Rocket Queen“.  I swear, GnR has a song for every DJ theme.  Also, Axl Rose is a colossal dick.

Zurvan: Here’s a double helping of dick with Dick Dale’s “Tera Dicktyl“.  I wanted to go with a U2 song but didn’t want to ruin “Bullet the Blue Sky” for anyone.  Was the only one that came close. By the way, how was Beck?

westvirginiarebel: We haven’t done any SOAD in a couple of weeks.  Sometimes a cigar is just a Cigaro.

spootyjim: This is just gnarly.  Adding this track was my top dick move on this post.

Santino: Old school Marilyn Manson with “Everlasting Cocksucker“.  Remixed.  Mixed with a dick, that is.

kevinmkr: Heh, heh, hm, heh!  “Felt Tip“.  I’ll bet she did.  Heh, heh, heh, heh, hm, heh, heh!

Let’s see what you got!  Take it out and make it hard.

*Some of you might have noticed that this post was up early on Thursday morning.  It was a scheduling error on my part. I apologize for any confusion that may have resulted from leading you to think it was Friday on a Thursday.  If you’re thinking it’s Saturday based on my error, uh, you might want to get dressed and go to work.

Call it a case of “premature e-publication”.  The good news is that those who saw the post have had more time to prepare some songs!  Make it count.

26 comments

  1. #3 – Flight of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner…someone whom even the MSM would need to agree has more controversial ties to white supremacy than Trump.

    I wanted to go with a U2 song but didn’t want to ruin “Bullet the Blue Sky” for anyone. Was the only one that came close.

    Allow me to ruin Elevation for you.

    High, higher than the sun
    You shoot me from a gun
    I need you to elevate me here,
    At the corner of your lips
    As the orbit of your hips
    Eclipse, you elevate my soul

    I’ve lost all self-control
    Been living like a mole
    Now going down, excavation
    I and I in the sky
    You make me feel like I can fly
    So high, elevation

    By the way, how was Beck?

    Meh. We got there a little late, but from what I heard, he didn’t actually play any of his songs from start to finish. He just kinda riffed with his band for about an hour, randomly including some of the melody lines of some of his hits, or mumbling into the mic about how cool U2 is. Wasn’t impressed.

    One thing I didn’t realize – back in 1987, U2 kicked off the original Joshua Tree tour here in Phoenix. And this concert 30 years later was the close of the tour in the US.

  2. MORE NSFW and horrifically juvenile…….

    I stumbled across this “album” a few years ago. Some guy took Karaoke tracks and randomly replaced lyrics with “My Dick” when he sang. Sometimes it’s in obvious places. Sometimes it’s not. My buddies and I were having a guys weekend at a cabin and spent a whole day listening to the album — it was mesmerizing. The entire album is available as a single YouTube video but I didn’t want to post that. Here’s a sampling….

    Everybody My Dick Tonight – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3vwxWg5B0o

  3. One thing I didn’t realize – back in 1987, U2 kicked off the original Joshua Tree tour here in Phoenix. And this concert 30 years later was the close of the tour in the US.

    I like that. Sort of a closure.

    As for my city, it’s a little known fact that U2 filmed the video for one of their lesser-known songs in Kansas City. They need a post-apocalyptic, ruined downtown backdrop for the theme and that was pretty much it in the 1990’s.

    After they toured here around 2001 or so, they didn’t ever come back until this year.

    So yeah. U2 pointed out what a shitty town we have and then ignored us for 16 years. Dick move.

    Last Night on Earth – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YswMTdys0cc

  4. My Dick Is Big

    Ladysmith Black Mambazo! Does he pick up peanuts with that thing or what?

    Alright, I’ll do it this way. When we get to the end of the thread, I’ll add all of the NSFW ones to the end of the playlist and let everyone know at which point the SFW stuff is over.

  5. Alright, I’ll do it this way. When we get to the end of the thread, I’ll add all of the NSFW ones to the end of the playlist and let everyone know at which point the SFW stuff is over.

    Good thinking. It’s pretty difficult for #2 to *not* be NSFW unless we avoid all of the overt ones.

    “But, why would we do that?” – 12 year old me

  6. How do you think they keep these on? Glue? Tape? Friction?

    They probably didn’t use anything but the elastic lining. RHCP didn’t care. Only band at the time who could get away with doing that with their surfer builds.

    Also it looks like McCain struck again…

    He is the Steve Polychronopolous of the Senate. His dicktitude knows no bounds.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk5dmbMrAUQ

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