Tonight, over on another forum, I was participating in an open music thread.  Inevitably, I ended up posting one of my favorites from Nirvana.

Ah, that one always hits me hard.  It wasn’t released until around 2003, I think.  Hearing it was always haunting to me because it was a reminder of what-could-have-been in a lost decade of music.  After Cobain killed himself, we saw a decline in all of the other alternative rockers and the rise of gangsta rap, which I disliked.  It was my curse for the remainder of the 1990’s into the early 2000’s to listen to shitty music from Korn and Insane Clown Posse to Limpbizkit and other assorted rap-rock artists.

It wasn’t until 2004 that I felt that alternative rock made a comeback with The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, and others.  The current decade has been generous to rock fans with the return of real music, but I still can’t help but wonder what it would be like if Cobain had lived.  Yes, I know I sound like a pathetic Boomer weeping about “The Day The Music Died” but, shit.  Can’t we aging but still-awesome folks agree that the first half of the 1990’s was so much better than the second half and the decade which followed?

This isn’t a music post though.  I’ll sober up and do something else on Friday.  Yeah, this is the NYE Drunk Post I warned you pricks about.  Yet it’s also true that there are many nights in which I stay up listening to the contributions on DJ threads and end up listening to some selections from that what-might-have-been era when I first entered adulthood.  I’ll admit it.  I get more than a bit maudlin on those occasions, especially when I’ve been drinking anything with the potency of a Kentucky Mule.

Tonight, however, I’m not in the least bit melancholy.  I’m getting hammered according to schedule.  I’m sitting next to a blazing fireplace and watching Thrill Jr kick troll ass at Skylanders.  This is all I could ask from life.  And yet, I still wonder what could have been.

Does anyone else do that on New Year’s Eve?  Do you wonder how your life could have been different if maybe one or two events had played out another way?  What if you’d stuck with that girlfriend who seemed too wild on the small scale or what if Hillary Clinton had won in 2016 in the larger one?  Wouldn’t that be something?

Well, I’m here to tell you that you should quit being a whiny bitch.  Everything played out the way it was supposed to and you’re doing what you’re supposed to be, in the grand plan that God has.  What?  You hate God’s plan?  Suck it.  It’s the way it is.  I’m disappointed in you, and so is Jesus.  You should work on that in the New Year, mister.

What the hell am I saying here?

Oh, yeah.  This is destiny.  Destiny is an actual thing and free will is largely bullshit.  You do things that you’re primed to do.  It’s all okay because you’ve fundamentally made the choices you were going to make anyway and it is completely irrelevant if you’re wishing that you’d bought $100 worth of bitcoin back in 2010 so you could retire now.  You’re doing just fine and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, you sexy asshole.

Yes, one or two things went wrong, but you can still make it good if you apply the correct lessons from what you horrifically screwed up, motherfucker.  You know full well–now–that you’re supposed to do what serves the needs of those who love you unconditionally.  It’s corny to say it, but love really is all you need and if you don’t understand that now, you’re pretty much guaranteed to fuck up in 2018.  DO NOT…disappoint me.

You can choose to live your life in such a way that you have no regerts in the new year.  First, don’t take any bullshit from women.  Women are generally better than men, from a moral perspective, and will go along with the right thing if you demand it.  Demand it.  Don’t tolerate women who cheat or make you feel like less than a man.  She’s the wrong one if she does that.

Ladies, men think with their cocks.  Remarkably, the size of their cocks has no bearing on their intelligence.  A big cock is not any more likely to make good family decisions or treat you better than a tiny one.  I think so anyway.  I don’t suffer from a micro-penis so I can only assume that less-endowed men are as virtuous as penile dreadnoughts.  I am a man of reasonably average size–once referred to by my first wife as a “mouthful”–so I can only speak to from that perspective.  Where the hell was I going with that?

Right, if a man treats you poorly and leaves you feeling bad about yourself, it’s because he doesn’t love you or need you.  Dump him.  Dwell not on the likelihood that you will one day be a broken girl floating the #MeToo hashtag.  Instead, set a high bar for yourself and scream that no matter the stakes, you will never allow a man to jizz in your hair for the sake of your own advancement.  Your dignity is greater than this.  True virtue is found in your conduct as a woman, not as a victim.

That’s about it for this bit of New Year’s wisdom.  Kurt Cobain can’t provide you with any because he blew his brains out with a shotgun.  Understand that if he ever had the ability to determine which way events should have proceeded, he clearly abandoned it the moment he decided to eat a helping of double-ought buckshot.  Personally, I think it’s right that he left us the way we did so it would be more challenging to find decent music to listen to these days.

Put your regrets aside and celebrate the New Year.  Anything is possible.  Even an improvement.  Anyway, I’m going to listen to some Guns n Roses now.  Don’t be a pansy in 2018.  Your life may be depend on it.  That’s what I think I’m trying to convey here.

10 comments

  1. I would also say that TV has been pretty good these past couple of years. Westworld, Dark Mirror, and as a rule the superhero shows have been better than the movies.

    I CAN’T FEEL MY KNEECAPS. PARTICULARLY MY LEFT ONE

  2. At this point, the most reasonable thing to do is throw another log on the fire and have a bowl of Raisin Bran.

  3. Oh, yeah. This is destiny. Destiny is an actual thing and free will is largely bullshit.

    Destiny is a real thing, but that doesn’t make free will bullshit. Free will is the reason for it all. It’s how we respond to the shit sandwich destiny hands us that matters – free will.

    And yes, up until a few years ago, for me every NYE was spent thinking about what could have been in a very macabre way. I’m not sure what changed…maybe I started loving my life for what it is.

    For the record, Raisin Bran has the most sugar of any cereal in the market.

    Ha!

  4. For the record, Raisin Bran has the most sugar of any cereal in the market.

    I’m lucky to have survived the bourbon. The Raisin Bran was the least of my worries! My stomach is so jacked up today. It’ll be easy to stay “dry” after I resume my diet tomorrow with how crappy I feel today.

    Destiny is a real thing, but that doesn’t make free will bullshit. Free will is the reason for it all. It’s how we respond to the shit sandwich destiny hands us that matters – free will.

    I can’t say. That was some insane stream of consciousness posting on my part. Not my best drunk blogging though. I give it 3/5.

    And yes, up until a few years ago, for me every NYE was spent thinking about what could have been in a very macabre way. I’m not sure what changed…maybe I started loving my life for what it is.

    I don’t generally get that way on NYE. It’s usually a festive, laid-back affair in my house. Every now and then I do throughout the year, but I’m far more of a happy and optimistic person than I let on. I was having fun and think I was going for a positive message. I can’t tell for sure though. There were at least three different directions I was going up there in the post.

    This morning was fun. Our kitchen sink’s pipes froze in the -10 F overnight temperatures since neither Mrs Thrill or I (for obvious reasons) remembered to leave the faucet dripping. Fortunately, we got it thawed out and running again and I don’t see any leaks anywhere.

    So here’s my New Year’s PSA, my friends: remember to leave your faucets going overnight if you’re in one of those areas of the country that has had several days of subzero temperatures at night.

  5. I CAN’T FEEL MY KNEECAPS. PARTICULARLY MY LEFT ONE

    I can’t explain this one. I think I meant “eyebrows” but can’t say for sure.

    But yes, WVR, to your point there have been many good things post-1995.

  6. 75 degrees here today. Definitely needing the winter coat these days. Dropping all the way to 72 by the weekend. Brrrr.

  7. There’s much to be said for living further south. I can’t stand the cold, especially the inconveniences it brings like snowy driveways and frozen pipes.

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