Relationship advice on a political blog? Yeah, we can do that. In an effort to make this your one stop full service blog ( my eggplant parmigiana  recipe to follow) I’ll put this question out for dissemination; what is an absolute deal breaker for furthering a relationship?

Over the past few weeks I’ve had some interesting talks with my kid. A short bio; he is 22, fresh out of college and is going to grad school in the fall. Both his mother and I want him to pick a school outside his comfort zone, preferably out of the state. He has been accepted to 4 different schools, some with scholarships provided. Why, you ask, would we want him a bit of distance away? Because his sophomore year he met a girl and has dated her exclusively ever since. Translation, he has not broadened his sampling of dating to the degree we find necessary for a well-informed decision on his future. Our talks have covered the basics; values, kids, religion, geography and careers.

The other day I found a great Ben Shapiro video, which I shared with him, that is worthy of discussion here;

We like the girl. Smart, pretty, driven in her career, he could do worse. She is catholic, we aren’t, that is not a big deal. But both his mother and I come from a place of unity in that the purpose of dating is to give the greatest sampling of possibilities. You experiment, you try everything, this is the only way to see what type of mate you could hang with for the long-term.

I think Ben is right here in that values are paramount. One of the running jokes we have together (I think it’s funny, she, not so much) is that we dated for almost 8 years, during that time seeing other people, life threw us a few curve balls. But we always ended up back together as our common values kept revealing themselves.

So, some general questions;

How important is socio-economic backgrounds?

How about political ideology, to the point at which it is established in your life? Can a rightie truly be happy with a leftie,  have an appreciation for the 1st Amendment and an understanding of gun rights?

Do you have to be on the same page re: child rearing?

Is their religious (or lack of) upbringing something that needs to be determined?

How about money (the number one issue of conflict in marriages)? Can a saver live with a spender or an instant gratifier live with a rain day-er?

For a young couple talking about marriage (they aren’t, thank God) what would be your number one bit of sage advice?

TBH, it is such a relief to be on the downside of my life, not having to worry about dating or working. And I hope to avoid the conversation of ,”Boy, you guys sure did screw things up for the new generation taking over”. I kept telling them deficits were bad, honestly.

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First off, I love this post. Things like this are at the heart of RVS. We can spend all day talking about the big issues of the day, but what’s really important is how the various difference in society affect us personally. This is great. All of my answers are based on my own experience, YMMV. How important is socio-economic backgrounds? Extremely important. A partner from a similar background will have the same attitudes on spending and saving. I’m too lazy to look it up, but I’d bet most marriages dissolve over money problems. Having someone who doesn’t live beyond… Read more »

Speaking as someone who’s hopelessly single and most likely to remain so, let me just say that opposites can attract.

And now for that eggplant recipe:
https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alexandra-guarnaschelli/eggplant-parmigiana-2-recipe-2120395

How important is socio-economic backgrounds? as Will,says important, I grew up fairly poor, not terrible mind ya but i was defiantly on the lower end of that middle class scale, my wife, was on this side of dirt floor poor for a long time. She is the more practical one,thankfully. iI tend to spend a bit more than i should at time, then other times i could make Scrooge squeek. Such background has helped us a lot, we managed to save 30,000 for our new house and yeah we went abit over board, spent the entirety of our loan amount… Read more »

Santino

How about political ideology, to the point at which it is established in your life? Can a rightie truly be happy with a leftie, have an appreciation for the 1st Amendment and an understanding of gun rights? I would put myself in the right vs. left relationship. There have been our share of knock ‘em down arguments, but I’ve consciously made the decision to lay off (at least when I’m sober) when I see things going off the rails. There are some areas where I won’t back down. I’m don’t accept that I’m the root of all evil because I’m… Read more »

If there are any times where we’ve had disagreements, those conversations happen behind closed doors.

That is something I’d like to add a +1000 to. Nothing stressed me out more as a kid than hearing my parents fight.

Zurvan

For a young couple talking about marriage (they aren’t, thank God) what would be your number one bit of sage advice?

Make sure you are friends first before you ever think about getting married. If you aren’t friends now, marriage will only make it worse.

Care about his/her happiness more than you do your own, and make sure he/she feels the same in reverse. Then you’ll be just fine.

So many great posts, so little time to comment! So while I’m a day or two late on this post, I wanted to chime in too: First, it has to be said that in all these aspects of compatibility, there is no right or wrong answer for a given couple. Sometimes these aspects can be widely divergent and the couple is still great, while in other cases there can be a high degree of compatibility but it still doesn’t work. I would say it all fundamentally boils down to each member’s attitude the priority they place on a healthy relationship.… Read more »

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