Another horrible terrorist (?) attack happened yesterday in Germany;
THE first pictures have emerged from Munster in Germany after a van was driven into group of people, killing several and injuring dozens. Police are checking the vehicle for explosives.
Vehicles driven at high speeds have been the weapon of choice lately for terrorist attacks. Yes, it is too early to confirm this as a terrorist attack but it has all the earmarks. Given the ubiquity of vehicles in general ,ease of purchase, ease of access, and close proximity between roads and congested sidewalks and thorough fares it has been a perplexing problem.
Thank goodness there are rational voices within Germany. Weepy politicians are already mugging for the cameras, all trumpeting the clarion call ,”We must do something”. Angela has called for an emergency session of the Assembly to put forth “common sense” solutions to this needless car violence. High School seniors are taking to the streets proclaiming that the German Motorist Association has blood on their hands and demanding governmental inquires into the possibility of bringing these murderers to justice. The details are being penned as I write this, but already legislation is being proposed to clamp down on the carnage, to wit;
1)An immediate ban on all bump-tires, those tires easily accessible and specifically manufactured to gain better traction and road hugging while driving over human bodies.
2)An immediate ban on over-sized gas tanks, unnecessary unless total body count is your ultimate aim.
3)An immediate ban on mufflers and catalytic converters, designed specifically to decrease the sounds of engines and “suppress” decibels. People need to hear the dangers of approaching cars.
4)Beefing up background checks to include history of criminal convictions, domestic violence, traffic infractions, past child support due, timely income tax filing, good neighbor consistency and whether he calls his mother once a week.
5)”No car zones”, establishing 1/2 mile buffers at all schools, libraries, and meeting areas where cars are not allowed.
6)Raising the minimum driver age to 21.
7)Expediting and streamlining the process whereby family members or friends can petition the courts to remove all vehicles within the household of the targeted person.
8)Establish and fund a committee to formulate changes in vehicle manufacturing as to render them less deadly, up to and including; bubble wrap paint-jobs, marshmallow bumpers, substituting Styrofoam for engine blocks, and producing a work order sent to Parker Brothers for the manufacture of Nerf automobiles.
The time for talk is over. The German people will not stand idly by and allow the present climate to exist where common citizens are not protected.
Disclaimer: Yes, this is a parody piece, and no, people dying from terrorist attacks is no laughing matter. I would offer hopes and prayers to the victims and their families but that gets routinely derided by those on the left as somehow misguided and impotent. Right now that is all I have.