Since every Star Wars movie or trilogy has to be a controversial topic, I’ll go ahead right now and declare that I have no intention of seeing Solo: A Star Wars Story.  Like, ever.

What is this?  Have I finally decided to jump on the Boycott SJW Star Wars movement that eagerly anticipates the failure of the franchise?  No.

Did I change my mind on The Last Jedi and determine that I’m done with Star Wars, now and forever?  No.

Since I disliked Rogue One, could it be that I don’t want to bother with any more of the unnecessary fan wank stories?  No, but I won’t deny that’s compelling.

Am I finally sick of Star Wars, which has utterly saturated pop culture?  No, well, not yet but getting there.

The truth is simpler and arguably more shallow than that.  The dude playing Han Solo doesn’t look like Han Solo, speak like Han Solo, or act like Han Solo.  He’s not my fuckin’ Han Solo.

Han Solo was my boyhood hero.  Unspeakably cool and badass with an awesome job.  He’s the only man in the original trilogy who shot at Darth Vader twice*.  He’s also the only one who ever lived to tell about it, I think, from all of the movies. He was the very personification of manly swagger, like a human bottle of Old Spice.  It’s one of the reasons Empire Strikes Back is my favorite movie of all time: it’s the Han Solo show until he gets frozen.  Luke is off on his spiritual quest while Han is outwitting the entire Imperial Fleet and scoring with Leia.  COME ON, MAN.

So no, he can’t simply be replaced with…whoever the fuck that is.  He’s all wrong and my brain is rejecting it.  They could have used a CGI Harrison Ford and it would have been better than this.

This is comparable to those who hated TLJ for spoiling Luke’s character.  See, I didn’t look at it that way, or at least I didn’t care.  I was never a Luke fan, per se, and I always thought he was a big woobie (like his father, as it turned out).  The Force Awakens didn’t ruin Han in the same way.  I didn’t think so, anyway.

Is Solo going to ruin the character?  No, I don’t think so.  It might be a genuinely good story (the reviews indicate that it’s a fairly mediocre movie) that expands what we know about him, but I don’t care.  I’m not going to see it and will await the YouTube reviews, that will likely be far more entertaining.

*Once from the Falcon while clearing the way for Luke’s Death Star kill and more directly with a blaster on Cloud City.

5 comments

  1. I’m not really planning on seeing it. Not really because of the SJWLJ either. I agree that he doesn’t remind me of the Han Solo I grew up with.

    This is comparable to those who hated TLJ for spoiling Luke’s character.

    You can’t definitively say that without seeing it first. Rian Fing Johnson set out to destroy the character of Luke Skywalker, while completely reshaping Star Wars cannon. Casting a crappy guy to play Han Solo may not compare, depending on how bad it is.

  2. I tapped out completely after The Force Awakens. I managed to avoid just about everything in the run up to it’s release, and went on a whim because I had the night off and it was $3 at our local movie theater. I went in as unspoiled as possible with a completely open mind. And I hated it.

    I spent most of the movie checking my phone and groaning inwardly at how long it was taking. I knew how the movie was going to end, and I knew all of the new characters were safe as houses – even without taking into account that 85% of the story was a rehash of A New Hope. The Solo thing threw me for a loop, but I didn’t feel anything at his passing.

    I sat through the prequels, and for the most part had the same problems. I was talking with a friend of a friend a couple of weeks back, and I made the point that the original trilogy was special because of its scarcity. When I was growing up there were three movies, and that’s all there ever were going to be. Now, however, Disney has let it be known that there’s going to be a minimum of one Star Wars movie released per year. Forever.

    Being familiar with the laws of diminishing returns I turned my back and walked away, because just like The Force Awakens I know how this movie will end as well. I might give it another shot if someone truly visionary like Guillermo del Toro were to get involved, but that’s quite the long shot.

  3. I liked Rogue One a lot. Liked TFA and TLJ. But I’m sort of with you on this one. This may be the first Star Wars movie I don’t see in a theater.

    “So no, he can’t simply be replaced with…whoever the fuck that is. ”

    I literally laughed out loud.

  4. Yeah I have little interest whereas we’ve gone and seen all the recent ones as a family.

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