Santa Privilege

Each generation has an atavistic compulsion to mix things up, upend tradition, invalidate the old and replace it with something more in line with cultural norms. Paeans for bygone traditions are frowned on simply because they inculcate oppressive paternalistic norms that celebrated sexual/racial apartheid. The new “woke” generation cannot continence white straight males, or the horse they road in on.

The whole concept of Santa checks pretty much every outrage box on the intersectionality scale; panoply of grievances that a more aware society would have addressed years ago. A member of no victim group, he has no real legitimacy other than what was given to him, unearned I might add, by a dogmatic adherence to an outmoded ethos of cultural abandon.

No, Santa has to go, or at least be made over into a more appropriate form more in liking with the victims of the world;

America is completely confused these days: a survey from a graphic design company came out with 10% of the people surveyed wanting Santa Claus to be a woman, and 17% wanting HIM to be gender neutral. Or…wanting him to ditch the fancy red suit for skinny jeans and an iPhone. Oh, and tattoos. And Amazon Prime instead of reindeer.

Would it help if Santa identified as a woman and had .0001% Cherokee Nation ancestry?

Remember when Megyn Kelly got put in the stocks because she said Santa was white? Poor girl, a victim of her own bigotry.

A male, flaunting his white privilege, with the temerity to determine who really is naughty or nice. What guidelines determines what exactly constitutes naughty or nice. Is it on a pass/fail scale? Do the nice acts invalidate the naughty ones? Nice or naughty by what criteria, what metric, what set of values? Is Santa like the Pope who can offer dispensation based on his title to wipe away all past transgressions? Is there an appeals process? I would prefer a jury of my peers to weigh the propriety of my conduct above that of a old white guy who has obviously turned cantankerous over the years.

And the famous Christmas Song admonishes the children to, “Be good for goodness sake”, well, obviously that is not part of the deal. Goodness sake does not put candy in the stockings and presents under the tree. Nosiree, A demonstrative account of past conduct for the last 12 months, cataloged and footnoted, this is the only way to get on the nice list and guarantee loot Christmas day.

PETA is anti-Santa, reindeer slavery and all that.

Not environmentally friendly, putting coal in stockings of the oppressed and aggrieved. Doesn’t he care about the polar bears or his home melting right before his eyes? This practice has to change immediately.

Drug addled (How else can he always be so jolly), diabetic (eats too many cookies) caring little for a healthy weight conscious lifestyle, he demands subservience in the form of restrictive behavior in order to be rewarded, a tin horned dictator who threatens to withhold the goodies unless we jump through his hoops. But really, who is he to judge? Nowadays everyone gets a trophy. Presents must be redistributed like wealth. Those higher on the intersectionality chart deserve a helping hand and a lower bar to jump over, or no bar at all.

And how much is he paying those elves of his? Do they get a 401K, dental, paid vacation? Are they really happy there or is this indentured servitude, remunerated off the backs of the disadvantaged in the form of slave wages? I think a special council needs to be appointed.

Do we really need a Santa Claus anymore? The government is the new Santa, less judgmental, more forgiving, deeper pockets, easier to scam.